Total Transformation Discussion

I knew it was bound to happen eventually. As much as I have agreed with the philosophies and many points made in my multiple Total Transformation Program reviews, I finally came across one section in the first lesson with which I completely disagree.

On the audio CD, James Lehman says that he is against asking children why they have done some negative behavior. He thinks it is a waste of time to ask them that and it only gives them the opportunity to come up with some excuse to blame someone else. Furthermore, he says that parents are the most convenient to blame so that is usually who the kids will choose, rather than accepting the responsibility for their own actions.

I do understand what his point is, but I think it is totally wrong. It is essential to ask a kid why he has behaved a certain way. Even if the kid verbally blames someone else (and this probably what will happen at first), he will internally be trying to answer the question and may for the first time actually self-analyze. I think this process is what makes a kid begin to take responsibility for his actions because he is forced to figure out where they came from. Since he knows it really isn’t someone eles’s fault, despite what he says, then he is forced to put the blame on himself where it belongs.

I am trying to reach the same goal as James Lehamn, but we find opposite and mutually exclusive ways of getting to it. I think “why” is an extremely necessary question, but parents must be sure to make the child get to the point of the “real why,” not the “convenient excuse why.”

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