Should Parents Love Kids Unconditionally

How did you respond when you first saw the title: Should Parents Love Kids Unconditionally? Did you think I was asking a rhetorical question?

Did you think the question was silly because everyone in the world would automatically respond with the same answer?

I have to admit when I first head the parents discussing that in The Total Transformation Program, I thought to myself, why are they wasting time with something like that? I was surprised to hear The Total Transformation Program creator James Lehman (a licensed family therapist) say the answer to the question of whether parents should love kids unconditionally is no!

Unconditional Parental Love as Explained in The Total Transformation

When he explained his answer though, it makes sense. You just need to get over the initial shock and think about what he is saying to realize he is right.

He said, “I don’t know about you, but I don’t love people who assault me.” With all the stuff you read in the news practically every day about children threatening, hurting and even murdering their parents, I can see why James Lehman would reasonably make that distinction.

He went even further stating that a parent’s attitude should be, “I love the idea of you being my son, but you must treat me with respect.” Lehman says he calls that the concept of loving someone responsibly as opposed to unconditionally. I think he’s on to something there.


Should Parents Love Kids Unconditionally

The question of whether parents should love kids unconditionally deserves critical attention.

It reminds me of different families I’ve known over the years. Some kids knew they could literally get away with anything because their parents would forgive them and everything would always be all right at the end no matter how disobedient they were or what trouble they caused. Ultimately, those kids really had no long lasting consequences for anything they did.

Other kids I knew wouldn’t dare do anything wrong because they literally feared their parents wouldn’t forgive them or love them anymore, thus bad behavior would have serious negative consequences.

Although neither of those two situations may be ideal, you need to ask yourself which of the two is better in the long term for the kids.

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