Modeling Parent Behavior

Today’s topic comes from The Total Transformation Program parenting workbook which is part of the overall package in addition to the DVD and Audio CD’s. In the directions to one of the exercises it says, “It is most useful to recall an incident where you used the effective parenting role, but if you absolutely can’t come up with one for yourself, use an incident where you observed another parent being effective.”

The specific effective parenting roles that James is talking about don’t matter for our discussion today. We’ll get to those in future entries.

What I think is important here is that this little intro to one of the exercises actually contains two very important points. The first is that you have been successful has a parent in the past. That’s the proof right there that you can be again. You’ve already done it!

Maybe you had no problem with toddler tantrums years ago, but the current adolescent outbursts are causing you to pull your hair out and fee l like a failure as a parent. Try not to think that way. That’s why you are researching a parenting help program – because you know you were successful in the past and you just need some guidance to get back on track.

Total Transformation Program Review Material Modeling Parent Behavior

Choose Sources For Modeling Parent Behavior

The other important gem in the quote is about using an incident in which you observed another parent’s effective parenting techniques. What jumps out at me here is the idea that you don’t have to reinvent the wheel.

Again, that’s why The Total Transformation Program exists, so you can learn or get a refresher course in good parenting skills. Other people have already blazed the trail and figured all this stuff out. The knowledge is out there and available.

Resources For Modeling Parent Behavior

Frankly, it’s not just in The Total Transformation Program either. Although, the material in workbook and the audio formats is organized and presented professionally, you can probably think of many sources of good parenting behavior you’ve experienced over the years.

Start with your own upbringing. If you feel your parents were effective parents, then use them as role models. (If you really want to make their day, tell them that you are using them as parenting role models.)

If you feel your parents were not as effective as they could have been, that actually works for our purposes here too. You simply use them as negative examples, meaning you know that you want do to do the opposite of whatever they did that was ineffective. (If this is the case, you definitely don’t need to share that with them.)

As a parent yourself, you also probably know tons of other parents. Use them as resources. Share your experience with them and ask them what they have done or would do in certain situations with their own kids.

There is nothing to force you to implement the advice. It certainly can’t hurt to have multiple resources on which to draw for modeling parent behavior.

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Controlling Child Behavior

Are You In Control Of Your Child’s Behavior

There was concept in the The Total Transformation Program which really caught my attention and made me pause to think about it. I’m paraphrasing here, but the gist of it said that parents don’t really have control over a child’s behavior, they only only have control over their own behavior.

This is one of those simple things I mentioned in a previous entry from the The Total Transformation Program in which the simplest sounding sentence actually has profound meaning and discussion possibilities.

Controlling Child Behavior

Controlling Child Behavior with the Total Transformation Program Leads to a Peaceful Household

Technically taking the sentence literally, I guess I am forced to agree with it. In fact, at that same level, the thought really applies to any situation in life.

For example, even a boss at work doesn’t really control a worker’s behavior directly. The boss can threaten punishments up to firing for insubordination, but ultimately, the worker still decides if he will comply with the boss’s wishes or choose the negative consequences instead.

What Does Controlling Child Behavior Really Mean

Really what James Lehman is trying to say with his original statement is that parents need to adjust their own behaviors and reactions which will then cause children to behave or react in the manner that the parent desires. I suppose that is still a form of controlling the child’s behavior, but the subtle difference is that the child chooses to behave in what the parent considers a proper manner.

Of course, this warrants an additional clarification which is that the child should always choose the “proper behavior” because the parent has stated up front the unpleasant consequences of making a different choice.

Let’s go back to the original point that Lehman was making – parents have to be the ones to change their behavior first if they want to effect a change in a kid’s behavior. How do we know this is true?

Lehman explains that the current actions of the parent and the current actions of the kid are already in place. The reason that parents seek help from the The Total Transformation Program is because those current actions (on both sides) do not produce the desired behavior that they want.

Therefore, the parents start by changing their own behaviors which lead to the changed behaviors in the kids.

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Parenting Advice: Scrutiny From Other Parents

Do You Want Parenting Advice From Other Parents?

In the introductory remarks to the third audio lesson in The Total Transformation Program, James Lehman mentioned something about scrutiny from other parents. Even though that wasn’t what the lesson is about, I jotted down a note to talk about the concept.

The mere phrase obviously implies other parents observing your parenting skills, then making a judgment about them, and (perhaps most controversial of all) sharing their feedback with you.

These other parents could include friends, neighbors, relatives, teachers, and parents of your children’s friends.

This leads to a lot of questions. Do you want / need / look for / appreciate this input from other parents?

Effective Parenting Advice The Total Transformation

Scrutiny from other parents is like peer pressure. It can be positive or negative depending on the intentions behind it, how the feedback is received, and the ultimate outcome.

An interesting observation is that you may take the same parenting advice coming from different sources in very different ways.

Imagine that a school guidance counselor offers you an opinion on a particularly tough parenting situation, specifically on the way you handled the situation. Now imagine that your mother-in-law offered the same advice!

Did you have a different reaction just reading those two sentences? Tell the truth now, nobody will know but you!

Get your parenting advice from the professionals.

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Return of the Total Transformation Reviews

Yes, I know the continuation of the child behavior modification Total Transformation Program review series is long (ok, long, long) overdue.

I have only written sporadically about the program over the years since I did the original bulk of the Total Transformation reviews. Those covered overall impressions of the material including parenting workbook, the jumpstart DVD, the parental helpline (phone support), and the first two audio lesson CD’s.

All those previous entries are, of course, still available here on the website. You can find them (as well other info and opinions about the parenting course materials) via the navigation links on the right or start here Legacy Publishing Total Transformation Program Reviews.

Now that Christmas is a couple weeks behind us and the threat of no presents under the tree as a result of misbehavior no longer applies, it seems like a perfect time to go back to examining the details of The Total Transformation Program.

Total Transformation Reviews Audio Lessons Continue

As I continue the series, I decided to pick up exactly where I left off in the past by starting with my impressions and reactions to Audio Lesson 3.

As I started to work through the material, I was instantly reminded of just how jam packed with thoughtful information the entire program is. It’s kind of amazing how James Lehman will say a phrase or sentence as part of his overall point that seems so simple, yet that individual phrase or sentence can be analyzed and discussed on its own.

The most seemingly simple ideas he says are really profound parenting principles. I think it comes from all his years of practice and dealing with so many kids.

It’s like listening to someone who has been a teacher for thirty or forty years – each statement comes from a wealth of knowledge and experience. The teacher has learned how true the statement is after seeing the idea in action with many different students and in many different situations.

Another thing I was reminded of was that I liked the format of the CD’s in reference to how the information is presented. It’s like listening in on a conversation between James Lehman and two parents.

James introduces a concept and he and the other two parents discuss it. They are able to ask questions or get clarifications which are often the same or similar to those we have as listeners.

I think that was a very smart and effective way to present the information. For some reason, it also seems easier to absorb the information than it would be if it was a pure lecture format.

Anyway, I hope that brief introduction helps orient anyone who is new to The Total Transformation Program review series and just joining them already in progress. Feel free to check out more in the detailed review series here or go right to the official site.

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