Someone Else’s Kids

What is it with kids and their attitudes these days? Somehow, at some point in our history, we’ve decided to put up with kids having horrible attitudes. Even worse, we’ve allowed them to manifest those attitudes in behaviors.

You may remember your own parents “threatening to wipe that smirk off your face.” What they were telling you was that they wouldn’t accept the display of your attitude about something you didn’t like. These days, kids and teenagers are not only all too willing to flaunt their negative attitudes, they are also willing to act out behaviorally in accordance with their poor attitudes.

Kids can be taught their feelings about a situation, even a parental disciplinary action, may be their own and nobody has a right to tell them how to feel, but adults do have a right to demand of children and teens that their outward actions and attitudes stay respectful. Most kids today don’t understand this and their parents let them get away with it.
behavior disorder, children, conduct disorder, emotional disorder, kids, ODD, oppositional defiance disorder, parenting, parents, teens

How do you define an out of control child? One who refuses to listen to her parents? Another who throws temper tantrums when a parent attempts to punish him?

To paraphrase a famous saying, “You might not be able to define an out of control kid, but you’ll know one when you see one.” (In fact, I’m pretty sure I saw one in a department store while shopping yesterday, but that’s another story.)

Due to different parenting styles, there are probably different points at which a particular parent may think the child is no longer controllable. That would also mean that observing the behavior of a neighbor’s child or relative’s kid as compared to your own might be interesting. Perhaps you would think someone elses’s kids have crossed the bad be behavioral line or an observer might think your have and you might not even realize it!
behavior disorder, children, conduct disorder, emotional disorder, kids, ODD, oppositional defiance disorder, parenting, parents, teens

How many parents have threatened that if their kids don’t behave properly, they will send them off to military school?

With the access that kids have to information these days via the Internet, they can find out if military schools do indeed exist and what they are like. In fact, a little research shows that there are many military school and boarding school options for parents of teens with behavior problems so indeed the children can confirm that this is a credible threat with undesirable results for them.

Kids today are used to heretofore unimagined amounts of self-directed free leisure time. Military schools, of course, are not big on free time as they offer highly structured environments. That fact alone, would make most kids want to stay away from them. However, that is not to say that those same kids wouldn’t benefit greatly from the structured time and rules-intensive atmosphere of a military school or boarding school.
boarding schools, children, kids, miitary schools, parenting, parents, reform school, teens

When trying to figure out how to stop kids from lying, parents should first examine the reasons why the behavior is occurring in the first place. Kids and teens lie for a variety of reasons.

1. Kids lie to avoid punishment and getting in trouble for something they’ve done. It is much easier for a teenager to blame the scrape on the side on a hit and run fellow driver in a parking lot than to take responsibility for causing the scrape due to not paying attention while operating the vehicle. Siblings blame a broken toy on each other or on the family dog instead of admitting that they were the ones who broke it.

2. Some kids lie to amuse themselves. Parents often overlook this reason that some children use withholding the truth simply as a way of manipulating adults and watching adults pursue the wrong avenue to solve a problem based on the lie. For example, kids might make up a story just so they can watch the parent’s reaction such as claiming falsely that a sibling got injured playing outside so they can watch the parent frantically run outside for nothing.

3. Another reason children lie is to get what they want. An example of this is a child lying that his or her homework is finished because completed homework means time for video games or outdoor play. Telling the truth would mean the kid would have to do schoolwork when he or she doesn’t want to. Another example that would fall into this category is lying to obtain an item. Kids might tell one parent that the other one said it was ok to have more cookies or to get a new toy from the store.

Although there are other causes for lying kids that would be a good topic for another post, there’s one more that I want to mention here and this is one for parents to really ponder.

4. Some kids lie because they are emulating the same behavior they see their parents exhibiting!
cell phones, children, kids, lie, lying, parenting, parents, teens

I brought up the issue of kids having their own cell phones in an earlier post. Let’s assume for this post that they do indeed have them.

Should parents program the phones to only access certain numbers? Should parents regularly check the phone (sometimes with the kids full knowledge and sometimes without) to see whom their kids have been talking to for hours on end?

Would you consider that an invasion of privacy or just smart parenting?
cell phones, children, kids, parenting, parents, teens

You may also see Oppositional Defiant Disorder listed as O.D.D., Oppositional Defiance Disorder, or ODD. However it is listed, if you are a parent with a child who has been misbehaving severely, and you are looking for solutions on your own or even in cooperation with school counselors and your pediatrician, you will probably come across this condition at one point or another.

It can be very confusing for parents and teachers these days with the array of various diagnoses for childhood behavior problems. The DSM-IV-TR, which is the current edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (the bible of the psychiatric industry which is published by the American Psychiatric Association [APA]), details the criteria for diagnosing a child with Oppositional Defiance Disorder. Criteria include a child losing a temper, arguing with adults, and defying rules set by adults, among other things.

It should be noted that most children will exhibit these behaviors at one point or another. The diagnostic criteria also state that these behaviors are severe and prolonged, and repetitive. They also have to interfere with the child’s regular functioning as a member of the family, classroom, or society.

Parents should be cautioned that labeling the problems will be helpful in determining a course of treatment (and will probably be a relief after trying to find an answer to the kids’ behavioral issues), but this should only be the first step in finding ways to change the child’s behavior.
children, kids, ODD, oppositional defiance disorder, parenting, parents, teens

I must be on a roll today with these “when should you let your kids get” posts. What about kids first cell phones? This should closely be followed by the thought do kids ever need their own cell phones?

I don’t think they need them until they are driving. Of course they should only use them while driving if they wear a headset or maybe not at while the car is moving if that is the parent’s rule. I do think it only makes sense that you would want your kid to have a cell phone in the car in case of an emergency.

I talk to parents who say their kids are getting in trouble in school and having their phones confiscated because they are ringing in the building or the kids are caught text messaging their friends during class. Let’s not forget that teens will often amass large phone bills by wildly exceeding their minutes.

I know there is pressure out there…just look at the cell phone commercials which prominently feature kids who couldn’t possibly be old enough to drive talking away on their own cell phones.

What do you think?
cell phones, children, kids, parenting, parents, teens

It’s that time of the year again in many parts of the country – kids will be bringing home their report cards and presenting them to parents.

That should be bring up all kinds of memories which is why I’m putting this entry in the childhood nostalgia category.

We’ve seen the scene many times on sitcoms – a child alters a report card grade by changing a lower grade tyo a higher one before handing the report card to the parents. One way or another throughout the episode the truth comes out and the child learns a lesson not to do that again.

Here’s what happened to me once when I was in elementary school in reference to report cards. Our report cards were handed out in sealed envelopes for us to deliver to our parents. When I got home on report card day, I was disappointed to see a B- in Math when I had expected an A or A-. My parents were surprised too.

The next day in school I asked the Math teacher why I had gotten such a low grade. She looked puzzled and asked what I meant. I told her that I hadn’t expected a B-. She was surprised and said she was sure I had earned an A-. She checked her grade book and verified that she was right. She showed me the page – my grade was listed an A-.

We went back to my homeroom teacher and got the report card that was actually sent home, which I had brought back that day signed by my parents. That one said B-!

It turned out that one teacher was not able to read the other teacher’s handwriting when she was copying the grades from one place to another! (Does anyone else see the irony in a teacher unable to read another teacher’s writing?) In the background, they were writing the averages numerically rather than in letters grades. The numerical average was 93, which my homeroom teacher mistook as an 83 and therefore translated to a B-.

Perhaps I was the only child in the school who ever brought home a report card with an “altered” grade that had been altered against my favor!
child, education, kid, parent, parenting, report card, school, student, teachers