Controlling Child Behavior

Are You In Control Of Your Child’s Behavior

There was concept in the The Total Transformation Program which really caught my attention and made me pause to think about it. I’m paraphrasing here, but the gist of it said that parents don’t really have control over a child’s behavior, they only only have control over their own behavior.

This is one of those simple things I mentioned in a previous entry from the The Total Transformation Program in which the simplest sounding sentence actually has profound meaning and discussion possibilities.

Controlling Child Behavior

Controlling Child Behavior with the Total Transformation Program Leads to a Peaceful Household

Technically taking the sentence literally, I guess I am forced to agree with it. In fact, at that same level, the thought really applies to any situation in life.

For example, even a boss at work doesn’t really control a worker’s behavior directly. The boss can threaten punishments up to firing for insubordination, but ultimately, the worker still decides if he will comply with the boss’s wishes or choose the negative consequences instead.

What Does Controlling Child Behavior Really Mean

Really what James Lehman is trying to say with his original statement is that parents need to adjust their own behaviors and reactions which will then cause children to behave or react in the manner that the parent desires. I suppose that is still a form of controlling the child’s behavior, but the subtle difference is that the child chooses to behave in what the parent considers a proper manner.

Of course, this warrants an additional clarification which is that the child should always choose the “proper behavior” because the parent has stated up front the unpleasant consequences of making a different choice.

Let’s go back to the original point that Lehman was making – parents have to be the ones to change their behavior first if they want to effect a change in a kid’s behavior. How do we know this is true?

Lehman explains that the current actions of the parent and the current actions of the kid are already in place. The reason that parents seek help from the The Total Transformation Program is because those current actions (on both sides) do not produce the desired behavior that they want.

Therefore, the parents start by changing their own behaviors which lead to the changed behaviors in the kids.

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