Modeling Parent Behavior

Today’s topic comes from The Total Transformation Program parenting workbook which is part of the overall package in addition to the DVD and Audio CD’s. In the directions to one of the exercises it says, “It is most useful to recall an incident where you used the effective parenting role, but if you absolutely can’t come up with one for yourself, use an incident where you observed another parent being effective.”

(Grammar police interruption: I’d prefer the use of “in which” rather than “where” in the quoted sentence.)

The specific effective parenting roles that James is talking about don’t matter for our discussion today. We’ll get to those in future entries. What I think is important here is that this little intro to one of the exercises actually contains two very important points. The first is that you have been successful has a parent in the past. That’s the proof right there that you can be again. You’ve already done it! Maybe you had no problem with toddler tantrums years ago, but the current adolescent outbursts are causing you to pull your hair out and fee l like a failure as a parent. Try not to think that way. That’s why you are researching a parenting help program – because you know you were successful in the past and you just need some guidance to get back on track.

Total Transformation Program Review Material Modeling Parent Behavior

Choose Sources For Modeling Parent Behavior

The other important gem in the quote is about using an incident in which you observed another parent’s effective parenting techniques. What jumps out at me here is the idea that you don’t have to reinvent the wheel. Again, that’s why The Total Transformation Program exists, so you can learn or get a refresher course in good parenting skills. Other people have already blazed the trail and figured all this stuff out. The knowledge is out there and available.

Resources For Modeling Parent Behavior

Frankly, it’s not just in The Total Transformation Program either. Although, the material in workbook and the audio formats is organized and presented professionally, you can probably think of many sources of good parenting behavior you’ve experienced over the years. Start with your own upbringing. If you feel your parents were effective parents, then use them as role models. (If you really want to make their day, tell them that you are using them as parenting role models.) If you feel your parents were not as effective as they could have been, that actually works for our purposes here too. You simply use them as negative examples, meaning you know that you want do to do the opposite of whatever they did that was ineffective. (If this is the case, you definitely don’t need to share that with them.)

As a parent yourself, you also probably know tons of other parents. Use them as resources. Share your experience with them and ask them what they have done or would do in certain situations with their own kids. There is nothing to force you to implement the advice. It certainly can’t hurt to have multiple resources on which to draw for modeling parent behavior.

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